The Drive Behind The Passion
by dishonestirregularities
Summary: Based on the question: What if? What if there was a little more love in their stories? The middle Lupin child has dealt with much in her lifetime: a brother with lycanthropy, a friend with psychotic episodes. An almost brother with a broken heart and an annoying boy with an attitude problem. She will make it through. Even if it kills her.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own no character you recognise.**

**A/N: Well, this is my first proper fanfiction. If you like it, let me know, or I won't bother with it. :)**

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Pushing her chair back and standing up slowly, May Lupin cracked her back with a groan of satisfaction. Her father would be in for her any moment, and she knew she needed to be ready for her big brother.

"May?" a tiny voice called from the hallway. Sliding a smile into place, May found her feet leading her to the sound.

"Yes, Vivi?" she asked the small figure trying to mash itself into the doorframe.

"Are you going soon?" the young girl asked, stumbling into the light and lifting her arms in a 'pick-me-up' gesture.

Sliding her sure arms around the child, May lifted Vivi into her arms deftly. "Soon enough," she replied, brushing a strand of brown hair from the blue eyes. "Remus is coming with me too, but you know we'll be back for Christmas."

"Not if Remy wants to stay," Vivi said quietly, burying her face into May's curls. "Then you won't come back 'til Easter."

She gazed deeply into the young eyes. "Yes, that's true. But if you really want me to come home for Christmas, I will. You can tell me in Mother's letter so I'll know for sure."

Vivi pressed her head into May's shoulder, the identical hair mingling. "'Kay."

The sisters shared a peaceful moment before their forced separation began again.

"Remus! Remus, you get down here and help me with these bags!"

The young man being addressed gave a rumbling chuckle before obeying the shrill words of his younger sister. May stood with her hands on her hips, a stance she inherited directly from their mother.

"Alright, alright. Hold your horses. Don't get your knickers in a twist. Keep your hair on," he replied, ticking them off his fingers.

"Calm your farm?" May suggested, sending them both into giggles.

"We haven 't done that since-" he stopped, the grin falling quickly from his face.

"-since Brenna died," May finished. "It's okay. You can say it. Invoking her name isn't going to make the sky fall."

"Seems too soon, though," Remus replied, locking his gaze with his sister. "Like we haven't given it enough time yet."

She laughed, the sound empty of humour. "How long is enough, then? It's been three years."

He smiled without happiness. "I suppose."

"Come on, then," she said, linking her fingers with her brother's. "Let's go catch that bloody train for the last time."

James Potter was not having a good day.

His bloody sister started it off by 'misplacing' his favourite socks, so there went his luck for the first day back at school.

After that, his brothers had eaten the _entire_ plate of _his_ breakfast, made by his mother. Lucy had offered to make him something for the train ride, but he was so annoyed that he refused.

Finally, to top it all off, he'd forgotten his favourite coat, and it was the warmest one he owned.

It was going to be a very bad week.

But something seemed to stop his annoyance, or at least push it to the furthest part of his mind. The Terrible Trio had waltzed in, disregarding the 'lowly peasants'. He grinned, an expression frightening at least to passer-by's, some of which actually backed away.

"Whatever you are thinking of doing, don't," a sharp voice hissed in his ear.

He deflated, letting the grin go with the air forced from his lungs in a startled yelp. "For the love of Merlin, May, don't do that to me!"

An almost identical replica of his other best friends smile, especially the one found whilst thinking up yet another prank, spread onto the face of a girl in the year below his own. May Lupin chuckled at him before falling into step next to him.

"So, little sister, how's things been?" he asked, feeling old habits fall into place again.

"Not bad," she replied, and he hears in those two words the exact answer he was looking for. Relief filled him as she elaborated. "No lasting damage, though there was that one that came close."

He knew exactly. Sixteen rapid owls back and forth between them before he had given up and camped on Remus's bedroom floor for a week straight. May ended up having to bring him food there because he wouldn't leave until Remus woke up.

"Otherwise we did fine," May finished, brushing her hair behind her ear. "I finally got my incantation done."

James looked at her in surprise. "Really?" he said, excitement lifting his spirits again.

She nodded, a smile pulling her cheeks. "Yeah. Mother made me the potion as well, so it's all official."

He swept her into a hug, lifting her feet of the ground as he swung her in a circle. "Congratulations! Little May, all grown up and wild!"

Her laugh caused a couple of people to turn around, but not many payed close attention to the antics of James Potter and May Lupin. "Shut up, you big dork. You've already done it, why shouldn't I have?"

Spotting a familiar mop of dark hair, coupled with the startling silver-grey eyes he knew so well, he linked arms with May to hurry her along. "Seeing as there is no good answer to that question, I'll leave it be. Come on, we'll have to catch up to him before he gets slapped again."

May's frown of confusion cleared at the sight of Sirius Black, flirting with yet another girl. "Does he ever get tired of the stupid mind games they play?"

James laughed, the sound drawing the attention of the conversation subject. "He hasn't yet, so not for a while, probably."

"Damn," she said, pulling up a fake smile to present to Sirius' latest conquest. "Hi!"

Her voice, way too sweet and perky, had James trying to control his sniggers. "Hey, Padfoot."

"Prongs," Sirius replied evenly, glaring at May. She was oblivious, still smiling away at whatever-her-name-was.

"How was your holiday?" May asked in her super-perky voice. The blonde just stared.

"Well, we'll be going now," James said, his tone still shaky with suppressed laughter. "See you at school, Padfoot."

"Yeah," Sirius replied distractedly, still glaring at May. The fake smile was still plastered on her face, and she waved hugely until her and James had reached the train.

Only then did James let himself laugh, and within moments May had joined. After a few minutes, James wiped the tears of mirth from his eyes and turned to the girl still chuckling weakly next to him.

"That was priceless," he wheezed, leaning against the glossy red paint for support. "That was brilliant. But I still don't understand why you tease him like that."

She shrugged, a smile still gracing her lips, though this one was as full and real as the other one was fake. "Someone has to. All you and Remus and Peter do is poke fun. He needs to be insulted every now and then, so his head doesn't get too big."

This drew another chuckle from James before she finished.

"Besides, I'm getting sick of the bubble-heads."

The Sorting being the same as every other year, May tuned it out, turning to the red head she usually shared a meal with. Without another familiar surname to occupy her, May needed a topic of conversation.

"Hey, Lily," she said, lifting her eyes to startling green ones.

A sweet smile answered her greeting. "Hi, May. How are you?"

"I'm okay," May replied truthfully. "Things are okay, at least."

"Good," Lily said forcefully, and May followed the older girl's gaze to her worn down older brother. Remus watched the heated conversation between James and Sirius, occasionally adding some point before going back to his dinner. "I was worried about him. Good thing you wrote or I would have gone out of my mind."

"I'm out of my mind enough as it is," May replied, throwing a quick look to the same blonde trying to mesh her side to Sirius'.

"Tell me about it," Lily groaned, flicking her hair out of her eyes. "If another bubble-head seeks me out to ask me if Sirius would say yes to her proposition, I will take out my wand and permanently stick her tongue to the roof of her mouth."

May took a moment to enjoy this mental image before succumbing to the same giggles that were invading Lily's voice.

A mane of messy black hair descended from above to snatch the vacancy next to May. Lily looked up, bristling, but subsided when she realised it was Brooke, not James.

Brooke Potter was a conundrum if anyone ever saw one. Messy black hair, hazel eyes, pale skin, eerily pointed teeth. The fiercest combination of features that graced the halls of Hogwarts. And yet, refused point blank to speak to anyone she had not known for over two years. One of the shyest people May had ever met.

"Hey, Brooke," May said quietly as the girl flicked a worried glance to her brother and Sirius, who had begun to ignore their food and raise the volume of their voices.

"Hi," she said in her quiet, musical voice. "I don't like the yelling."

With a low sigh, filled with annoyance and resignation, May shoved herself to standing position and stalked over to the rapidly escalating argument.

"I couldn't care less what you wanted!" James roared over the hum of general conversation. "I'm sick of the bullshit, Sirius!"

"Since when was it your decision what I do with my time?" Sirius roared back. "It's my life, and you are not my father!"

"Enough," May said. It wasn't loud, it wasn't screechy, but the power in her voice made everyone freeze in fear.

"May, I-" James began, but was cut off by Sirius.

"I don't have to listen to you, May," he said, fire in his eyes. "I will say whatever I want."

A few people leant back as May narrowed her eyes.

"I couldn't care less what you two are fighting about, Sirius Black," she said, her voice deathly quiet. Sirius lost his fire, fear replacing the anger. "I couldn't care less if you screwed every bimbo in the school right now. But I do care when you upset my family. So, shut the hell up and keep it that way before I drag you to Astronomy Tower and hang you out the window by your earlobe."

With a thump, Sirius sat again, staring up at May.

"James?" she said, her voice beginning to shake.

"Yes, May?"

"Make sure this bastard keeps it down. And keep it down yourself. I don't want to be rescuing Brooke from another episode, got it?"

Hazel met blue, the worry lurking in the first soothed by the promise in the second. "Yes, May."

"Good."

The brown curls flew as she strode back to her place.

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**A/N: So, there you have it. If you don't understand anything, again, let me know and I'll try to explain stuff better. **


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Another chapter. Not sure if anyone is really reading this, but one review and I squealed. So, have at it, wonderful people.

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More often than not, May could be found with a quill in her hand and parchment on her lap. Letters to numerous family members, friends, essays to numerous teachers, and more recently, stories.

Though her life had been more than enough madness, she found comfort in the fiction world. There, children didn't die until they were old enough to live, people weren't limited by pointless illnesses, and the mind was full and whole if you wanted it to be.

Unlike herself. Unlike Remus. Unlike Brooke.

First day of classes seemed as boring as they ever did, so May sat behind the tallest person she could find and wrote.

To anyone else, it would look like a student concentrating on her work, but there had been marks on Vivi's arms that she wasn't sure her mother had noticed. So, letters.

"Psst."

May's eyes whipped up at the sound, though she was careful to make sure she gave no other indication.

"Psst."

When she was paying attention, she found the voice was coming from a patch of air to her right. She smirked.

"Psst. May."

She looked up at the precise place his head would be. "James, I'm in class. What do you want?"

A small snigger found its way to her ear. "Told you she'd figure it out," the voice of Remus Lupin said.

"Well, you were the one that told her," James Potter hissed back at him.

"She is an Animagus, and my sister. I figured she deserved to know," Remus shot.

James grumbled, but was silent.

"What do you guys want?" May said when she could talk without laughing.

"We're here to rescue you from the unsightly figure of Professor Binns," Remus said, a smile in his voice.

"Most brave and noble Marauders are your saviours!" James sang before the sound of a hand being slapped over a mouth.

"Okay, okay," May said quickly before James could get them in trouble. "Go ahead."

The odd almost-solid-air moved around the room. At some secret signal, things began flying into the air. Parchment, bags, ink, quills.

May took the hint, stuffed her things into her bag and took off out the door, stopping around three corridors, waiting for the other's to track her. She knew quite well how they could, seeing as she was one of them.

"So!" said the bright voice of James as he pulled off the Cloak with a flourish. "Time for hunting!"

"Hunting?" May repeated, a frightened edge in her voice.

James nodded happily. "Just no hunting me."

She held her hands up in an 'I-don't-know' gesture. "Can't control what I hunt."

"Then stay away from me."

"Alright then."

"Good."

"Glad that's all settled."

"I most certainly am."

"Out of curiosity," Remus broke in politely. "What exactly _is_ your Animagus form?"

Her brows furrowed as she looked at her brother. "You don't remember? I was sure I told you…"

"It's an artic fox," James finished for her. Remus nodded, recalling his lost detail. "Pure and white. Just like your soul."

May reached over and flicked his ear. James yelped. "Shut it. Time to hunt."

"Where do you keep disappearing to, seriously?" an anxious Lily asked May a few weeks later.

"Around," she said evasively. "It's not important. What is, however, is how my dearest brother is progressing."

Lily looked confused for a moment before her face cleared. "I wish you wouldn't call Potter your brother. It's really confusing."

A light shrug. "Well, he's close enough. But you didn't answer my question."

Her eyes sought out the tall boy, sitting down the other end of the house table. He laughed, the sound making Lily flinch.

"I don't know."

In that sentence, May heard all of the insecurities that Lily drowned herself in. "It's okay to not be sure, you know."

"Do I?" Lily replied unhappily. "I talked with Mum. She said she knew straight away. And you seem so sure of yourself all the time, no matter who you're with. Why is it okay to not be sure how you feel?"

Taking a deep breath, May steadied herself. She knew she shouldn't have been giving the older girl advice, but something about how Lily spoke spurred her onwards. "Feelings aren't straight-forward. They can't be, or humans would be much simpler creatures. But we aren't, so they aren't. You feel what you feel, and that's it. But you can't force yourself to make a decision. Understanding will come when you know yourself better."

"And what if he asks me again, and I have no good answer?" she pressed, playing with her food.

"You say you need time," May replied evenly. "At least it will give you that. If he gets his hopes up, and you refuse, let me deal with that. But if you realise that you want it, then you'll be happy and everything's okay. But seriously, don't press yourself to make this decision. It will happen when it does."

With a shaky breath, Lily let her shoulders drop. "How do you make everything feel so much better?"

A smile graced May's lips. "I was born with all the answers."

The tension broke with Lily's laugh. "Right. So, how is everything else then?"

"Classes are okay," May said, picking up a few more potatoes. "The girls in my year are worse. I can't seem to get rid of them."

"Ah," Lily sighed. "The Terrible Trio."

"We've really got to stop calling them that," May said, resigned.

Lily laughed. "I disagree. It's very fitting."

Rolling her eyes, May replied. "I don't know what it is. They just seem to enjoy annoying me."

"You know what it is," Lily said, looking down her nose at May. "Your connections."

May silently moved her plate out of the way before letting her head drop on the table with an audible 'thump'. "Why am I stupid?"

"Pfft," Lily said, stealing a carrot stick from May's plate. "If you were any smarter, they'd move you up to my year."

"Now that would be fun."

"Not for the teachers."

James let his head loll. The fire was warm, the armchair comfortable, and he was starting to get sleepy.

With a sharp hiss, the portrait opened, admitting Sirius and his blonde, with a ragged-looking Remus trailing behind them, trying to talk to Sirius but having no wish to interrupt their conversation.

Catching his eye, James beckoned Remus over. "Why do you put up with him when he has one of those on his arm?"

Remus swallowed loudly. "I need to talk to you all about the next…" His eyes flicked towards the ceiling.

"Oh," James sighed, letting himself sink back into the chair. "Right."

"It's just…" he paused, looking around. Sirius and the girl, James made a mental note to actually ask her name, were otherwise occupied. "I don't think I'll be able to handle having May there."

"Bullshit."

Remus looked at James sharply.

"She's your sister," James said, a hard look in his eyes. "If anything, she'll calm you more than we can. I know your close to her, and you have that stupid worry that you'll hurt us, but foxes are fast, and there's snow on the ground. If you get out of hand, we can help, and she can hide. Calm, Remus."

Remus let his breath out, a hiss echoing around the common room. "I know I shouldn't worry, but if I bit her, I don't think I could-"

"And you think I could?" James asked incredulously. "I don't think _any_ of us could live with ourselves if May got hurt. She seems to be the only one around here with any sanity, and everyone knows that's pretty hard to find. We're not going to let her get hurt. I promise."

"House honour?"

"House honour. Now, get to bed. You only have a few days now."

A slight noise, which James took as agreement, followed Remus up the stairs to the dormitory.

James barely had time to get comfortable again before the portrait opened again, this time allowing the subject of the previous conversation through the hole.

"Hey, James," May said as she held a small cloth to her right arm.

He frowned. "What's wrong with you, then?"

May smiled grimly before lifting the cloth. A large gash ran from her wrist to the crease of her elbow, and in the small time she had taken the cloth away, blood had gathered and dripped down to her fingers.

"Holy shit, May!" James cursed, leaping from his chair to her. She was pale, he noted in passing. "How did this happen?"

She lowered her voice. "I was hunting, and a hawk came out of nowhere. I lost form before it raked a talon down my arm. I'm normally better than that, but it scared me a bit."

James took the cloth from her, quickly cleaning it with his wand, before leading her back to the chair and pushing on her shoulders. She sat with a 'hmph' before letting him press the cloth against the wound again.

Her head fell back, brown curls spilling over the back of the chair. "It doesn't hurt too much now, but I think it's pretty deep."

Letting a corner fall, James examined the cut. Pulling the edges slightly apart, James caught a glimpse of muscle before blood welled again.

"Goddamn it, May," he growled, but she didn't answer. Panicked, he looked up at her to see her eyes closing fast.

"Sirius!" he shouted, pulling his best friend's attention from the girl in his lap. "I couldn't care less what you're doing, come help me!"

Grumbling, Sirius left what's-her-name in the corner before seeing the pale form of May. "What the hell?"

"She lost a lot of blood," James said quickly, casting a Temporary Sticking Charm on the cloth. "Help me get her to Madame Pomfrey."

With one arm over each shoulder, James and Sirius carried the almost-unconscious May to the hospital wing.

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A/N: Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I apologise for the massive gap between chapters, I'm not very good at this whole updating thing. I adore anyone who reads this, seriously, let me love you. **

**Disclaimer: The usual. I am not, as far as I know, J K Rowling, but I'll let you know if that changes. **

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"What in the world-?" Madame Pomfrey started, before catching sight of May. "I'll ask later, then."

"She got cut on…" Sirius began, before looking at James.

"She was walking near the greenhouses, and she got caught on a bit of glass," James invented wildly. "I think one of the windows is broken."

"Okay, boys," she accepted. "Let her down here, and I'll fix her up. You two can go."

They didn't move.

She sighed, letting her head fall back for a moment. "Right. Potter and Black. My mistake."

While she waved her wand around May's arm, both boys pulled up chairs beside her bed, James watching intently.

"I have to get back…" Sirius trailed off, looking towards the exit.

"She can wait, Sirius," James snapped. "May's family. You know that."

Sirius looked as if he'd like to respond, but one glare from James kept his mouth shut.

"May!" a voice squeaked. The girl addressed looked up from her book with a startled jump to see Brooke taking quick steps down to her bed.

"Hi, Brooke," May smiled. "How are you?"

"A little better than you, apparently," she said, placing her books on May's bedside table. "What on earth happened?"

"Just a little glass," May replied, remembering James's hurried explanation. "Nothing to worry about."

"Passing out from blood loss is so something to worry about!" Brooke said, taking deep breaths. "What if you had have died! Then what, May? Then who would help me?"

Placing her book to the side, May grasped both of Brooke's small hands between her own. "Brooke, stop. It was not at all serious, and you need to stop overreacting."

Coaching her through her breathing exercises, May calmed Brooke's almost-panic attack. After a moment, Brooke smiled.

"Okay then. Do you want to hear what happened with James and Sirius?"

Having been in bed for the past day or so, May perked up. "Something happened?"

"Oh yes," Brooke said, her smile stretching into a grin. "James lost it."

May frowned. "How do you mean?"

"It was right after James explained what happened to you when Lily asked. Sirius said something about you deserving it, you know how he gets, and James started shouting all these things at him. 'You bastard, how could you say that, you deserve it more than she ever could, just because she had the guts to stand up to you doesn't mean you have the right to insult her' type of thing."

"Wow," May breathed.

"And then he got all quiet," Brooke continued. "And it was in the common room, last night, so everyone stopped talking when he started yelling. I was sitting near Lily, and I had to lean in to hear it."

When she paused, May groaned. "Well?"

"He said, 'you're a pathetic excuse for a human at the moment, Sirius, and I won't have anything to do with you until you change'."

Silence. May blinked. "Really?"

"Really," Brooke nodded sincerely. "It shocked the hell out of Lily as well. She looked at him like her eyes were going to fall out of her head."

May enjoyed this image for a moment before motioning for Brooke to continue.

"And James hasn't spoken to him since," she concluded, brushing a piece of thread from her sleeve. "Which, when you think about it, is really weird, because even their worst fight so far has ended up in a reunion a few hours after it happened."

She nodded slowly at the younger girl, who fell silent in time for Madame Pomfrey to come bustling down the aisle towards them.

"Miss Potter, good. You can escort Miss Lupin back to the common room. You're fine to leave, May. Just in time for the weekend, too."

She smiled gratefully up at the woman. "Thank you, Madame Pomfrey."

Her face softened into a tender smile. "You and that brother of yours, the most polite of children. I don't long for the days that you two will be gone from my hall. Shoo, now."

With a large grin at each other, the two girls set off.

"What have you done to him?"

May looked up from her book, with great disappointment, into the livid face of Sirius Black. "What do you mean?" she asked him sweetly.

Grabbing the book, he ripped it from her hands and threw it away from him. She narrowed her eyes.

"What have you done to my best friend?" he asked, leaning close to her. "James was fine until you got it into his head that _I _was the bad guy. What did you do to him?"

"I haven't done anything," she said evenly, reaching for her book.

He slammed his foot onto it.

"Don't lie," he hissed.

Suddenly, a foot swung out of nowhere, colliding painfully with Sirius's stomach. He grunted, and a fist hit him squarely in the jaw.

May blinked.

Looking up in surprise, Sirius found the rage of Brooke next to him.

"You want to talk to her, ask nicely," she said, her voice shaking with barely suppressed anger. "Until then, get lost."

May blinked again.

"Who do you think you are?" he spat, rubbing his jaw.

"I'm the one that knows where you sleep," she spat back, shoving a hand against his chest. He staggered. "I said, get lost."

He glared at the smaller girl, but Brooke stood her ground, shoving another hand against his chest. Sirius turned back to May.

"I'm not letting this go," he said, before sauntering away.

Brooke threw herself next to the still-stunned May.

"Sorry about that," she sighed, looking over at her friend. May cleared her throat.

"That may have been the funniest thing I have ever seen," May said slowly, as if tasting the words she said.

Brooke looked over a moment too soon and caught her eye. They both broke, filling the room with the sounds of relieving laughter.

"Why is Sirius so angry?" asked a bemused James as he placed himself with great dignity on the other side of May.

"He think's I've brainwashed you," May replied evenly, picking up her book and dusting it off. "Something about you being fine before I came along."

James frowned. "You came along a year after I was born. And you've been friends with us as long as Remus has. What on earth is he talking about?"

"You'll have to take it up with him," Brooke said, pulling her legs underneath her. "I haven't seen him that mad since he told us about his brother."

They shared a dark look. Regulus Black's taking of the Dark Mark had struck a chord with Sirius, and been the final push in him leaving home in the midst of their fourth year.

"You know what, I think I will," he said, turning his eye to Sirius, who was sulking in the corner with this girlfriend. She was, ahem, attempting to 'cheer him up'. In full view of the public.

May shook her head as James stood up. "Yeah, you have fun with that, brother."

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**A/N: I beg you, I beg you, please review and let me know what you think. I will, no joke, love you forever if you review. **

**:D **


	4. Chapter 4

Tensions between James and Sirius became obvious during the first full moon of the year. With May along, something changed in the dynamics of the usually inseparable duo, and she knew that even Peter, who had been strangely absent the past few weeks, could sense that something was off.

"So," Peter began in a wildly transparent attempt to avoid the growing awkwardness. "How did you go with animagus research, May?"

Giving Peter a grateful look, she laughed slightly. "Good, even with James and Remus looking over my shoulder the entire time."

"Hey!" James cried indignantly. "I was helping!"

"You were meddling," May corrected, grinning at his offended look. "And I did not need your help. I am quite smart for my age, thank you. I proved that when I did your Potions essay for you last week."

James pouted. "Potions is hard."

"Not as difficult as N.E. are going to be, and still you refuse to study."

"Hey, I helped with your Transfiguration homework!"

"That doesn't count as study!"

"Why not? I'm revising, aren't I?"

"Revise stuff you'll actually need to know, stupid!"

"Don't call me stupid!"

"Don't deserve it, then!"

"As fascinating as it is to watch two unrelated people bicker like siblings, we're here," Sirius interrupted timidly. May turned to tell him off, but paused at the sight of his face. Oddly enough, he was honestly sorry for interrupting, and May caught a glimpse of amusement in his eyes.

"Okay then," she replied, holding back a laugh at his sigh of relief. "What do we do now?"

"We go inside and sit with Remus until the moon rises," Peter said, shaking out his hands and closing his eyes in concentration.

May watched closely as Peter shrank into the form of a rat. It was strange, the transformation. She could see everything happen, as if it was in slow motion, but it occurred within a matter of seconds. He pressed the knot on the trunk with an efficiency that was comparable to Remus's rather odd knowledge of the library layout, and May felt her heart begin to hammer behind her ribcage.

"May," James said softly, pulling her aside. "You have to remember, this is going to be different from his home transformations. He's going to be in pain, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. We have to introduce you to the wolf, and he's going to be pretty wary of newcomers. So, please, please, do exactly as I say and don't act as if anything is out of the ordinary."

Swallowing her fear, she nodded quickly. Feeling somewhat comforted by his look of relief, they crawled into the tunnel, preparing for the journey to the Shrieking Shack.

Watching her brother transform was, as she had maintained since the first full moon she had encountered, the most difficult thing in her life. The immense pressure his bones endured caused the most agonising cries she had ever heard. There was nothing she wanted more than to take the pain away.

But, more than that, Remus was being affected by the fight between two of his best friends. Something about his screams made May think that he wasn't just in pain from his transformation. Ever since they were toddlers, Remus had hated it when people fought, and always attempted to fix what had been damaged. His failure at this time had taken its toll on the wolf, and he fought the anguish from his eyes.

"Remus..." May said, feeling the hurt in her voice, as her brother turned into a creature from her earliest nightmares. She felt a soft hand on her arm, and turned to see James with a sympathetic look on his face. She knew what it meant. "I'm not leaving," she said softly, looking away from him. "I've come this far, I'm not leaving him."

He opened his mouth to answer, but something over her shoulder seemed to catch his attention. Wide eyed with fear, he squeaked a warning, before shoving her behind him and starting his own transformation. As she fell, she saw what he was so worried about.

The wolf had his eyes on her, a predatory look in his eyes, even with the threat of Prongs before him. Stepping forward with measured strides, May found herself being hunted by her brother, separated only by James's determination.

Moony launched himself at May, who was floundering within her mind, trying to get her transformation underway.

From nowhere, a massive black dog flew into the werewolf's side, knocking him off balance and barking a command at May. Finally catching her concentration, she felt her arms and legs shrink, and the strange itching sensation as hair sprouted from her body. Her cloak disappeared, replaced by a thick coat of pure white fur, her eyes retaining their piercing blue, and she stretched, vaguely noticing the werewolf's confusion.

Turning to James, he huffed. 'Cutting it a little close, weren't we?' he complained in the strange ways of animal communication.

She fixed him with a glare worthy of McGonagall before walking over to introduce herself to the wolf. He was wary at first, but something about her scent told the wolf that she was kin, to be protected. With a huff, the werewolf touched his nose to her ear and snorted, making May whine, the fox equivalent to a giggle.

While Peter, Sirius and James laughed at their exchange, May felt her excitement peak. Finally, after so many years of wondering, she would find out what her brother and friends did during the full moons. She would finally know what turned her brothers depression into joy as he recounted stories full of adventures he never thought he'd get to have.

* * *

Something about the idea of Arithmacy the next morning made her burrow deeper into the comfort of her bed, mentally refusing to leave it until she had gotten at least three hours sleep. The moon had set sometime around five in the morning, and she had watched her brother return, collapsing from exhaustion, the few wounds they hadn't been able to stop the werewolf from inflicting bleeding profusely over the dusty bed. They scattered, not willing to explain to Madame Pomfrey why they were there.

All the way up to Gryffindor Tower, James had teased her about her reactions to the night passed. Something about how tired she was made the other boys laugh like idiots.

"It's not you, May," Sirius said comfortingly as the other two roared. "It just reminds us of how we were, the first few weeks."

"You remember the time James fell asleep in Transfiguration?" Peter chuckled. "He started sleep-talking, and he said-"

"-'Get out of it, Minnie, I'm sick of buying cat food for you.'" James finished, smiling as his three companions clutched each other, tears of mirth running down their faces.

"She was livid!" Sirius exclaimed, brushing May's hair out of his face. "Detention for three weeks and a letter home about 'sleeping in class'."

"That is gold," May said, feeling her own eyes droop. "So, can we go to bed now? Eyes don't want to stay open."

"Want a ride?" James asked, pulling out his wand.

"NO," she said. "No magic rides, thank you. I'd rather crawl, after last time."

"Last time?" Peter asked, curious.

Sirius laughed. "He ran her into the wall twice and bashed her head on the top of the doorway," he explained, watching James's face turn red.

"Fine, no magic," James said, starting towards May with a mischievous look.

"James? What are you - aah!"

With a startling speed, he grabbed her by the waist and threw her over his shoulder. Her forehead hit his spine with a disturbing noise, and he grimaced in pain.

"Merlin, May, what's your skull made of? Steel?"

"Shut up, stupid, you're the one who threw me."

"Oh, go to sleep."

"Fine."

Two hours later, she woke up in Remus's bed with the other three snoring around her. Rolling over with a groan, she checked the clock. 7:43.

For a moment, she debated getting up and going to the kitchens to get something for the boys and herself, but after a trial run, leg out of the blankets, she curled up and went back to sleep.

* * *

Something appeared to be holding her eyelids together the next time she woke. Moving her hand up to brush it away, her fingers encountered cloth, and she struggled to shove it off her face. She blinked at the sudden light, trying to adjust to the change.

Peter was gone, though she heard some faint noises from the boys bathroom. James was still snoring, his mouth hanging open slightly and his hand over his eyes. And Sirius was sitting up, a book that May recognised from Remus's collection laying open in his hands, his eyes following the lines with a rapid pace she had never seen Sirius use before.

Lifting her arms above her head, she stretched, feeling her back crack. She yawned, trying to get rid of the slow feeling left over from sleep. Sirius's eyes flicked over to her, and he set the book aside.

"How are you feeling?" he asked softly, walking over to sit on the end of Remus's bed.

"Sore," she said honestly, lifting the blankets to find the cut she hadn't managed to avoid from last night. It ran from the top of her left thigh to a few inches above her knee. Sirius winced as she pulled the skin apart, trying to determine how deep it was. There was no pain, only a little bit of blood, and she had sustained much worse before, so she grabbed her wand from the bedside table, conjured a temporary bandage and wrapped it securely around her leg.

"Doesn't that hurt?" he asked, reaching down to run a finger over the edge of the bandage. She pulled away from him.

"I've had better, I've had worse. Nothing I can't handle," she replied, her voice a little cold. She hadn't spoken alone with him since he had thrown her book and accused her of brainwashing James into hating him. Though he and James had obviously sorted it out, he still hadn't apologised to her, and she wasn't going to forget it until he did.

"So, you're still mad, I suppose," he said, sitting up. She raised her eyebrow. "Okay, stupid question."

"Of course it's stupid, Sirius," she said. "How do you think I feel normally, with those idiot girls in my dorm spreading rumours about me and Brooke and our relationship with you guys? And you just come along and accuse me of trying to make James hate you?"

"Okay, I get that I overreacted," he replied. "But you have to understand my position here!"

"What, Sirius? Your best friend telling you that you're being an idiot, trying to bury your grief at losing your brother in these relationships with girls that you feel nothing for? Or ignoring your friends because you have some illusion all superiority thing going on? Or maybe acting like a complete idiot, blaming a girl you've known for six years for the mistakes that YOU'VE made?"

He sat, silent, watching her with sad eyes. She sighed, taking a moment to calm herself before she launched into a full blown tantrum.

"Maybe you need to look at the decisions you're making, Sirius," she concluded, getting out of the bed and started for her dorm. "Stop blaming other people for your own problems and then begging us to see it your way."

She stopped at the door. "Then maybe he'll start trusting you again."

Sirius looked over at James. "How do you know he stopped?"

She shook her head. "Because he told me."

* * *

A/N: I am so very sorry for the wait, but to make it up to you, I will posit another chapter tomorrow if you want it. Let me know, hey?

(My not so sneaky way of getting people to review)

thanks for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I did promise another chapter, so here it is. Please, _please,_ let me know if you like it. :)

* * *

Ducking under a low branch, May leant against a tree, watching as Remus struggled to catch up to her. She laughed for a moment, catching a flicker of red out of the corner of her eye. James laughed with her, giving his position of half way up the tree she was leaning on away.

The sound of James's hearty laugh spurred on a few timid birds, and soon enough, they had launched their attack on his face. Spluttering, he fell from his perch with a great thump.

The siblings took one look at each other and fell to the ground laughing.

Grumbling, James stood up. "Shut up," he said with dignity. This just made the duo laugh harder. He huffed, turning his back on them and walking away. May and Remus shared another look, and with a bit of silent communication, they caught up to James within seconds. He threw them a distrustful look, and they slid an arm around his shoulders in unison.

Just as he was about to smile, May reached over and pulled a feather out of his hair.

"It's really not that funny," James muttered as May and Remus roared with laughter.

"I'm sorry, Jamie," May said, wiping a tear from her eye. "You should have seen it coming. Besides, now we don't have to get you back for that library book thing."

Smiling at the memory, James conceded. He had laughed like mad at the sight of the books floating behind the red faced May and Remus, shouting random facts from their pages in funny accents.

"Is that Sirius?" Remus asked, squinting at the figure that was rapidly approaching. Hands clutching his side, Sirius came into focus, breathing heavily and struggling to speak.

"James, May," he panted. "You have to come - Brooke, she's - I don't know - but she's in trouble - she won't let anyone near her - screaming her lungs out-"

Without another word, James took off, May on his heels.

Once they were within the castle, May ran for the common room. She had a vague recollection of Brooke heading there after she, Remus and James had gone out for a walk. Feeling James behind her, she pushed herself to go faster.

Throwing the password to a frightened Pink Lady, James and May tore into the common room and took in the scene.

A few people had formed a circle around the writhing figure of Brooke. She was screaming as if someone had stabbed her in the stomach and was twisting the blade. Dropping to her side, May reached out and found James's hand already seeking her own.

"What do I do, James?" May begged as Brooke let out a horrendous scream, her eyes squeezed shut. The younger girl arched her back, her hands grasping at the floor. May shuddered, her imagination shying away from the possible horrors that Brooke was experiencing. "James," she repeated, digging her nails into his hand.

He didn't even flinch. "Sirius," he ordered, shaking Sirius out of his stare. May hadn't even seen him follow them. "Give us some privacy."

How he managed to keep so calm, May would never know. Her insides were trying to claw their way through her skin.

Sirius nodded, simultaneously drawing his wand and shouting to the gathered people. Remus rushed out of the common room again to alert the school nurse. May swallowed loudly, trying to keep herself from vomiting.

Finally alone, she turned her attention to Brooke, where James was concentrating.

"Talk to her, May," James whispered. "Like it was anything but this."

"Okay, Brookie," May started, looking at James for approval. He nodded, so she continued. "You remember that time we decided to get back at the boys? And we were so excited to pull a prank off on our own, but we had no idea what to do, so we went and asked your mum. She laughed for five minutes before she agreed to help us. And we ended up triggering the prank before the boys even arrived. But we saved it. We hid, and they got caught. And we all laughed so hard that your mum had to use her inhaler."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw James smile.

"And then your dad came home, and saw us six on the floor in absolute stitches, and none of us could explain what had happened because we couldn't stop laughing long enough to talk."

Brooke's screams had quietened to whimpers, and as she turned her head, May saw her strain to hear the end of the story.

"And Kady made us pancakes for dinner, and we all joked around the entire time, and forgot all of our manners, but no one told us off for it. I stayed in your room all night, and we told secrets until we realised the sun was coming up and we should probably get some sleep. And we did, we slept until three in the afternoon."

She heard the low tone of James's chuckle, and felt herself smile in return. Brooke had become silent, her eyes closed.

"And we stayed in our pyjamas, even when Lily came for a visit to see us, and she ended up staying the rest of the week with us, even though James still annoyed the heck out of her, with all that macho crap he pulls when she's around."

A side glance to the topic of conversation. James poked her tongue out at her.

"Hey, don't be rude, it's true."

May looked down to see a shaken, but smiling, Brooke. Letting out a huge breath, May pulled her up and hugged her tight, feeling her heart hammer in her chest.

"You scared me good, girl," May hissed into Brooke's ear. "What was it this time?"

Brooke shivered, and May clutched her tighter in response. "A stupid comment from someone who didn't matter. But it set me off anyway. I'm sorry I made you scared."

James threw his arms around them both. "Don't apologise, just tell me you're okay."

She laughed, shakily but still firm. "I'm okay, big brother."

"Good."

* * *

May had nightmares that night.

She was running, pushing herself to the absolute limit of her strength. Her lungs screamed agony for oxygen, and her arms pleaded for rest. Still, something told her she needed to keep going.

Within moments, she knew why. At the end of the maze she had run through was Brooke, beaten and bloodied with her hands bound behind her. Fear filled her hazel eyes, and May could hear small whimpers, muffled by the cloth that gaged her.

"Brooke," she whispered, and the sound shattered with the green light that engulfed her friend.

May screamed, so loud that the scene around her began to splinter like broken glass. On and on the sound went, until May felt herself being shaken.

"May! For Gods sake, May!"

Forcing her eyes open with all of her effort, she looked up to see the same colour of eyes she had, moments ago, seen fade to lifelessness in a rush of green. James stood beside her bed, anxiety plain on his face, as she took on her surroundings and realised what was happening.

"A dream," she whispered, falling back on her pillow. "It was just a dream."

"Just?" Brooke squeaked from the corner of the room. With a hiccup, she scrambled into May's arms, sobbing. Surprised, she began to rub soothing circles on her friends back before shooting a look at James.

He shrugged, mouthing, 'she heard you and wanted to help'.

Shaking her head, she shushed Brooke calmly, waiting for the tears to stop.

"You can stay in here tonight," May said, shifting so Brooke could lay down beside her. "That way we can keep away the nightmares."

Smiling, Brooke closed her eyes.

James sighed. "Thank you," he whispered, turning to leave. "I don't know what I would have done if..."

"...if it was Brooke screaming instead of me?" she finished after a moment of silence. He nodded, still facing away from her. "Me neither."

He turned backs o look at her, and she noticed something in his eyes. Slowly, she pushed the already-sleeping Brooke from her shoulder, pulling her blankets up around the girl.

"Come on," she said, standing and linking her arm with his. "Let's go have a chat, brother."

In the common room, she pulled out her wand and levitated the lounge closer to the fire before claiming one end and motioning for James to sit on the other.

When they were comfortable, she grabbed a blanket and threw it over James and herself, pressing her cold toes into his leg. He yelped, glaring at her, but she smiled back.

"So," she said seriously, levelling him with a look. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, trying to assume an innocent expression. She raised her eyebrow.

"Try that on someone who doesn't know you like I do," she ground out, frowning. "Spill."

He sighed. "It's getting worse, May."

"What is?"

"Everything."

He looked up towards the dorms. "I can't help her like you do, May, especially when she's in the middle of an episode. There's something about you that she reacts to, some safety that you can give her, something I don't have. I...I can't help her."

"Hey," she put a hand on his arm, making him look up at her. "You can help her. You don't hear her talk about you, especially when I'm around. You're her big brother, James. And mine, for as long as I can remember. You're the one that brings her out of the bad places she goes, and you're the one who taught me how. Don't underestimate yourself."

"And what about Remus?" he countered, anguish in his eyes. "I can't fix it, May. The pain he feels, it's not fair and I can't fix it. Not to mention this Voldemort who's decided now is the time to start with his idiotic pureblood mania. I can't fix it, May!"

He stood, throwing the blanket off, and began pacing in front of the lounge.

"I've always been able to fix it, and I can't, and there's people hurting and I can't stop it! If I can't stop it, what am I good for? What's the point of having me around if I can't-"

"James."

Just like the first day of term, there was something about May's voice that made him stop. She didn't yell, or squeal, or wave her arms around. She just spoke, and expected him to listen.

"It's not fair for you to expect so much from yourself," she said calmly, crossing her arms across her chest. Instead of the intimidating look James supposed she was going for, she looked concerned. "You are helping no one if you fall apart now."

He looked at her. She looked at him. Within the silence, somewhere, he surrendered and went to sit next to her, slumping into the couch.

"It's hard, y'know?" he said quietly, feeling her arm settle around his shoulders. "To see them in so much pain and not be able to do anything."

"I do know, and I also know that we can do something." He looked up at her; she was smiling. "We can go out during full moons and turn a horrific experience into a great adventure, or talk through a bad moment with funny stories and good memories. We just have to keep doing that until it isn't bad anymore."

He gave in, letting himself be hugged before he went to bed.

Even though he would have felt a lot better if it didn't sound like she was trying to convince herself, too.

* * *

A/N: thank you so much for reading! Seriously, you have no idea how much it means to me.

Like, a lot.

A whole lot.

Please review! Even if its just a quick, oh, I read this and you're really weird. Anything! Annnyyythingggg...

love to all :)


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